ho-hum

Well, I think I have officially hit a plateau. Depressing as it is.... Oh well, at least I know what the problem is...I need to exercise.

Good news is, I think I have the exercise situation figured out. Here's the thing, there are two clubs I could go to here (actually, there are a lot more...but two I would consider) one is the rec center. It's a nice place, but there are ALOT of kids there, and their weight room is very small, I almost feel cramped and on stage in their weight room, bottom line...I just don't feel comfortable.

But, there is the YMCA, they have two huge weight rooms, I feel very comfortable there..they also have a few more classes I would like to take, one being a class called moon tide (a water aerobics class for full figured women) and a weight training class for women (a class designed to help women determine a appropriate weight training routine and to help them feel comfortable in the weight room) I am actually excited about both classes.....the problem with the YMCA you ask? Well, it's more money, about 200 dollars more a year. But, really, if I used it more....it would be worth the extra money..right?

I think so.....I've all but convinced myself that, that is exactly what I am going to do.

On other health news, I have been feeling okay...kinda run down, but I think it's due to the horrible period I am having right now. It is probably the second worst one I have ever had...as far as heaviness. The worst was my miscarriage....of course. I am hoping however that it is almost finished....really...I am done. I am hoping it is due to the stress of having surgery and that they will go back to being on the lighter side.

Well, I think I'm going to go get a sugar free pop cycle.....more to come later.

On to a skinnier me!

I am going to be very brave and post a picture of me before I had the surgery....usually I am a VERY private person...but I want everyone to know where I started....and I will hopefully post pictures along my journey so you (and I) can see how far I have gone.


So, here is my pre-op picture, it was taken about a year ago. (so I might have been a little heavier than this on the day of my surgery) but, after seeing this picture, I cried....I was so upset at how I looked, especially my stomach....arms...face, ug, everything! Anyways, here it is.






Kay, so here I am err....5 weeks after my surgery. Wow, what a journey it has been so far...wondering what the next few months will bring.

First for the business, I have lost 35 pounds, dropped 4 sizes and feel SOOOO much better.

It has been an adjustment and it definitely hasn't been easy. I now realize just how addicted to food I was. It realy has been so crazy. I still "want" all of my favorite foods, the things that are not good for me...and I should not be having...like chocolate, bread (I really want bread), any kind of candy or sweets. But, I have been a good girl and haven't succomed to the temptations.

Some days are easier than others..some days I just cry and wonder what the hell I have done to my body....I almost feel like frankenstein. A freak and cut up inside and like I will never fit in or belong. Other days, especially when I try on something that I haven't been able to fit into for a while is too big for me...I feel great and don't doubt my decision for one minute. Luckily for me, the latter days are becomming more frequent. :o)

One thing that I need to do, and I know it will make me feel MUCH better is to start exercising. For some reason, I am really having a hard time fitting that in....but before this surgery, I loved to exercise..It was just painful because of my knees and all of the weight on my joints. So, my goal is to start a program. Actually on my to-do list every morning is to go to the rec. center down the street and start exercising....but...alas..I haven't made it there yet. I will...I need to....I owe it to myself. Seriously.

Another thing I am preparing myself for is the emotional isues of losing weight and being skinny....it is already scaring me. (I know, I know...strange) but true. I think I will need to go
see a councelor...or talk to someone about it...because I know it is because of those issues that I am over weight and the way I am....and I don't want to be like this again....ever!

Well, it's late and I am getting sleepy....but I will be back soon. ;o)

Changes.....What's with them?

The below entry was writen June 12th, I just never finished it...or posted it. But it does do a good job of getting you up to speed.

===============================================================

So, here I am again. Once again after a long absence.....

First to catch you up to speed, I ended up not working the shift I vented about on here....They ended up keep me on my original shift...so I was a very happy girl. They ended up giving it to a less senior co-worker....who is really getting take advantage of, I feel sorry for him....but have to confess I am glad it is not me.

My surgery is scheduled for June 29th....scary!! I am very exciting...but very nervous at the same time. I have completed all of the insurance requirements and am just waiting. I feel like I should be doing something to get ready.....but don't know what. I have been exercising....so I can been in better cardiovascular shape...for some reason I think that will help with the surgery..I don't know.

More to come in the next entry....

More changes for me....and not sure I like this one.

First things first....yes....that is a picture of me up there....big nose and all. ;o)

Okay, now on to what is bugging me....

So I work for a major IT corporation and most of the time it is fun....but lately it hasn't been so much fun. See, I am part of a team supporting a new account...and it's one of their largest contracts so people (management) are hyper stressed about every little aspect and if one person, regardless of who they are complaines...things get changed. Problem is, the wrong things get changed...and the things that are broken and should be changed never do.

Well, I got a call from my boss tonight. He said that things were changing on the account and they want to switch my shift around.

Okay, let me back up for a sec....

One of the things I really LOVE about my jobs is the hours. I work 12 hour shifts and end up getting half of the week to play. It's great. I have been offered other positions and have turned them down because I wasn't working 12'ves. It allows me to have lots of freedom and do many other things with my life....which I like.

K, back to my manager.....

He called me tonight and said that upper management wants me to start working 8's, m-f 8-5. They want me there as much as possible to make sure things aren't missed and that people are doing what they're supposed to.

Sounds kinda like a lead postion without the pay.....right?

Anyways, really it's a compliment and I should be honored that my name came up when they were deciding on this.....but...

Somehow....I feel like it's a slap in the face. I don't want it.....I want my shift to stay the way it is now, Sun, Mon, Tue and every other Wed 6Am to 6Pm. I even asked my boss if it could and he said that there was no wiggle room...none. This is how it is.....for now. He apoligized and said some bull about how the contract needed it this way for now.

So, the insecure part of me is thinking that this is all because I put in my three week time off request for my surgery this week....and that this is payback somehow. I know that is illegal....but it feels like I'm being punished. My manager did tell me that others were getting their shifts changed around too.

...and honestly, if I take a step out of my PMS'ing over emotional body right now (yes, I know....great timing on their part is it not?) No matter what shift they moved me to...or even if they didn't move me at all, I would think that they were punishing me for something....that is just how I am, paranoid. ;o) I hate taking time off......and I guess I feel really, really guilty that I am taking any off at all.....

So that's it.....changes at work....now I'm looking forward to getting back and finding out who else got their shifts changed and to where.

My manager is going to call me tomorrow and let me know when this is all going to start....I hope it's not too soon...I have Dr.'s appointments to go to....shoot..have I mentioned how much I hate this?

Wow.....changes in our house!

So, with the recent changes in my life.....actully.....I haven't had any changes yet....but things are about to get really interesting.

Okay, very funny....as I am typing this DH and I are sitting in the family room watching TV.....he keeps getting up and going into the kitchen and grabbing a brownie bite.....on his way back into the family room he quietly walks past me, drops a brownie on the table beside me and keeps walking...he has done it twice...they are starting to stack up.

Okay, back to my news. Those of you who have followed me over from Diary-x, I was skinnygirldreams......meaning I was always dreaming of being a skinnier version of myself. Ayways, I had two very common themes during those two years, I wanted to be a mom, DH and I suffered with infertility....nothing we did...worked. And, I was wanted to lose weight and be healthy....that was different. I did succeed in losing weight.....but it was like when I did lose weight it took everything out of me. I lost 60 pounds, and was loving life.....I remember sitting in my Dr.s office crying because I did not want to get put on a prescription medication that causes weight gain, that combined with the stress of DH being deployed to Iraq was more than I could fight, I ended up puting the 60 pounds back on...and then some. And while I did that...I seemed to lose any inspiration and confidence I had to get thin.

Why am I telling you all of this you ask?

Well, DH and I are in the middle of adopting a little girl from Guatemala, we don't know who she is because we're still in the process of getting our paperwork together.....but we are doing it....it's very exciting!!! I'm going to be a mama!! Mama Roo...has a very nice ring to it. ;o) It's very scary.......but very exciting at the same time....I do worry if I have what it takes to be a great mom.....I hope I do....I know I was a great nanny....and it's pretty much the same. I was a very good Nanny to Lindsay....and I loved her very much and would have done anything for her......so hopefully it was good practice for being a mom.

The other big news, I am having gastric bypass surgery. My doctor brought up the subject a couple of months ago and I met with a surgeon and pretty much got scared and decided I didn't want it that bad. Well, then we started this adoption process and I thought about being a roll model for our little girl and what her life would be like growing up with a morbidly obese mom, I know many do a wonderful job with this hadicap, but it's not the mom I want to be. So, I'm doing it. I have a surgery date of June 15th and hopefully by the time she comes home, I will be a much healthier me with lots of energy for her.

So that's it.......my two big announcements........more to come......:o)

A Girl Named Roo

Yep, that's me....and this is my new home now that Diary-X is no longer. :o( It's very sad.

I don't have much time to write now...but I will write more later....altough I have warn you, I'm not the best at keeping my blog up....so I'm not going to make the usual promise of writing every day. Just so ya know. ;o)