just feeling like I need to write :o)

So there have been so many things going on with me...and I have been awfully rude and keeping it all to myself. Which is probably contributing to this feeling I am currently having in which I feel like I am going to explode. :o)

Um, let's see...where to start. Well, for starters I finished my 3 day...and it was amazing, and wondering and all I had hoped it would be and more. Honestly, I probably learned more from myself from that single experience than I have from any other experience. I am really looking forward to doing it next year and am also looking for other ways to challenge myself physically and mentally. Yes, it was that amazing. ;o)

Speaking of. I did something I'm not sure I will regret or not. It decided to become the leader of the MS Support group I have attended since being diagnosed. This group has been near and dear to me and I have really loved being able to attend and have learned so much. One of the things I love about it is the format...and that it really doesn't feel like a support group in the traditional sense...it is really more of a self help group....we are provided with the tools to help ourselves. We meet twice a month, the first meeting always has a speaker...that speaks about something that is helpful to one with MS (and this can be anyone from a neurologist, to a music therapy counselor to a herbalist). I love that both conventional therapist as well as eastern medicine therapist are invited to speak to us. The second meeting of the month is an open forum, but usually involves educating member on medical advances and us sharing what has worked....and what has not. The biggest thing about this group is how open and positive it is. I love it.

Anyway, the group leader who has been leading the group for 10 years has stepped down...and for some crazy reason...I volunteered to lead. Yikes!! Because we are sponsored by the National MS society, I had to get a background check, go through new leader training and am in the process of learning all that the current leader did...which is a lot. I am worried that I won't be able to dedicate as much time to the group that he did...and will let the group down. The main reason he stepped down...well there are two main reasons...is because his health is not doing so great...so he needs to concentrate on that....and attendance has been dropping and he felt the group needed some new energy. Enter me! :o)

I have all kinds of ideas and things I want to try to help with attendance...but have to confess that I am a little worried as well. Okay, I am a lot worried. What if I fizzle? Lose interest...or if it gets to be too much? I am going to ask for some help. Especially with getting speakers...since I don't have much time during the day to schedule it.

Honestly, I think this will be a good learning experience for me....and it will help me to grow...so I think good things will come of it. I just need to build up the confidence and courage to stick with it....and not rude and hide under a rock...which honestly is exactly what I want to do right now.

Regardless, I have been very busy with it. It has been taking up a lot of my time with the training and extra meetings. But, I just have to keep telling myself that things will calm down and it will get more manageable. (At least that's what I'm counting on....hoping for)

Also, to make matters worse...things have been VERY stressful at work. It has been a crazy busy month. I think it has been affecting all departments. EVERYONE has been ubber stressed. I have been trying really hard to stay neutral and stay out of the interoffice politics. I had been successful until Thursday...and boy did it get me good. The worst part is that I can't seem to shake it and just let it go. It's still pissing me off!! I really hate, hate conflict. Honestly, the whole reason we got into the argument was stupid. But, she went for the jugular and decided to insult me regarding my behavior towards her during past talks. Which is ridiculous. I am always very professional towards her...and since he's 22 and wants everyone to be her friend perhaps she mistook that as me being unfriendly. Whatever. I really shouldn't care. But, honestly it just pisses me off...and have I mentioned that I really, really hate conflict? Yeah....I do. I have always been the peace maker. So, I apologized to her for making her feel bad. Honestly, that is all I can do.

Ugg...so annoying. The most annoying thing is that I can't seem to shake it. I have been rehashing the argument all weekend. Which is stupid...how much more of my energy is this taking....that I am allowing this to take. I need to just let it go. I wish I could just let it go.

Also, I work with too many women. We are all on the same cycle...which really pisses me off. So we are all so emotional at the same time. Annoying. Last week was that week for us. There were so many fights and crying and emotions....it was exhausting. I need to just stay out of it....but that is MUCH easier said than done.

The good news is my period finally started today...so I am hoping I can stop being such a basket case and just move on. Seriously, I am 38 and MUCH too old for this crap!!!

This weekend has been absolutely lovely though...and exactly what I needed. :o) Robb and I just spent the weekend together and I made a really nice breakfast both days and today we watched football and canned peaches all day. We made peach pie filling, peach jam and peach salsa (yum!!). The absolute perfect day for me. Have I mentioned that I have recently totally gotten into football? I have...I look forward to football Sunday every week. It's awesome!! I love it. :o)

I am hoping that the relaxation from this weekend will help to better prepare me for the stresses that are bound to come up next week...I hope I am better able to let them roll off my back and better roll with the punches instead of allowing them to hit me in the gut! Ouch!