Okay, so it had to come...I've had two up beat and happy posts....so I guess it's time for a more dramatic one. ;)
DH, he has been retired from the Army for a year and a half now. After he retired he decided he wanted to go back to school to become a Physicians Assistant. Well, he went to school for a year and decided that he didn't want to be a PA after all. He was sick of being in school and wanted to return to the work force instead. Fine. I can completely understand that, being someone myself who really doesn't want to be in school. So....he started applying for jobs. He decided that he wanted to so something where he felt he was making a difference. He has very bad back problems and is a insulin dependent diabetic so he could no really do anything in law enforcement like he wants. So, he thought being a 911 dispatcher would be a good second choice, since he is fairly level headed and it would still be an important job in which he was making a difference. Now is had been 6 months and he has applied to dozens of cities for dispatcher positions, has made it to the end of the hiring process for a few to only find out that he wasn't chosen for the job. Frustrating!! He has a degree, no criminal record, is a veteran and is totally able to perform this job well. Why won't someone give him a chance?
So now, money is getting kinda tight....we don't need much...but a little extra coming in would certainly help things. Also, I worry about him being home all day long...he doesn't really do much....I know he is depressed and I honestly think any job would boost his moral and make him feel much better about things. He is being very picky though and wants to just apply to dispatcher positions which as we know are very hard to get. And well...to be honest I am a bit jealous. I have never been unemployed for more than a month my whole life. What must that be like? It kinda drives me a little (okay a lot) crazy that I have to go to work...and to a job I am really not happy doing right now (okay, I hate it) and he gets to just lounge around the house....all...day...long...and for a year!! No fair...I want to do that. Not sure if I could, I think I would go crazy after a month (which is why I have never been unemployed for more than that) but I have to say it is kinda annoying. Also, I want to be a two income family again. I miss being able to spend money with reckless abandon. It's nice to do sometime. :) Now whenever I spend money or something big comes up,....I have to think about how we are going to juggle things to make ends meet. Not to mention I am someone who HATES to carry a balance on her credit card, and now we have one....not a huge one...but it's there...driving me crazy and reminding me that we are not as financially healthy as I'd like us to be.
So I've mentioned to him that maybe he should look at getting a part time job at a coffee shop or grocery store, just something to bring in a bit of money and give him something to do with the days. That has not gone over so well...and now whenever I bring it up, it causes a fight.
I guess we were just raised in different ways...that's the only thing that makes sense to me. He was raised in a upper middle class family in which it was okay not to work and someone would always take care of him. I was raised in a lower middle class family and I had to start working in HS just to be able to pay for clothes, yearbooks and lunch. So, being without a job really scares me, because I know no one is going to take care of me...and I know what it is like not to be able to afford something. I honestly don't think he has this same fear.
Although, on the other hand...he is getting a pensions from the Army and maybe I should just be happy for him and let him enjoy this time since he did put in 15 years with the government. But, I just don't think it's healthy...he is 35...I think he should be working still. And....he wants to spend money...and for some reason I am resentful of him for that. I feel like he should get another job if he wants to spend money frivolously.
Well, he just came back in from doing yard work...and is looking at me like he wants to do something, and I feel bad for writing about him while he is staring at me. :) So, I'll go for now....
I have lots of emotions about this whole unemployment thing...and most of the time I am okay with it....it's just every once in a while all of the emotions bubble to the surface (like now) and I feel like I want to scream at him (which I have done in the past) and it does no good. So maybe if I write about it, it will make me feel better.
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